How to Expose Undercover Emotional Abuse With the Right Questions

Your Health Reflects Your Life Story

A woman’s health is essentially a walking illustration of her life story

What you do, how you feel, how you are made to feel, who you interact with, your life experiences, how you spend your time and the activities that you do; they all shape your physical, mental, sexual and reproductive health

More than the Absence of Disease: What Health Really Means

Health is not just about avoiding illness. It includes:

• Optimised body biology

• Clarity of thought

• A heart at peace, not weighed down by guilt, resentment, anger, sadness or anxiety

The Biological Cost of Emotional Abuse in Women

The World Health Organisation estimates that 1 in 3 women are subjected to domestic abuse in their lifetime

Persistent emotional stress is believed to:

• Suppress immune system function

• Increase the risk of endometriosis and fibroids

• Disrupt reproductive hormone balance

Where there is abuse, there can be gynaecological disease

Understanding Covert Emotional Abuse

Unlike physical abuse, covert emotional abuse can be:

• Subtle

• Hidden

• Difficult to Identify

• Confusing to challenge

Despite its invisibility, coercive control is a criminal offence in England

Why It Can Be Hard to Recognise

Emotional abuse often unfolds gradually and may be masked as concern or care. It can take time to:

• Recognise

• Acknowledge

• Accept

Signs of Covert Abuse in the Postpartum Period

Examples of emotional abuse after childbirth include:

• Preventing you from spending time with your baby

• Stopping you from picking up your baby

• Stopping you from feeding your baby

• Blocking you from breastfeeding

• Stopping you from parenting in a sensitive and responsive way

Ask Yourself These Questions to Reveal Emotional Abuse

Use these questions to reflect on your relationship:

• Does your partner stop you from seeing friends or family or persuade you that they do not care about you?

• Does your partner monitor your time?

• Does your partner take control of aspects in your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear, when you can sleep? It may be presented as being in your best interests

• Does your partner repeatedly put you down, tell you that you are worthless or call you names, disguising insults as jokes?

• Does your partner control how much money you have, how you spend it, or control your bank accounts, investments, mortgages, benefit payments or force you to take on debt or limit your access to finances?

• Does your partner deprive you of your basic needs?

• Does your partner encourage you to neglect or abuse your children to encourage self blame, so that you do not report?

• Does your partner stop you using birth control, refuse to use a birth control method, force you to become pregnant, force you to get an abortion, force you to undergo IVF or stop you from accessing IVF?

• Does your partner undermine your accomplishments, criticise your parenting or professional work in front of others?

• Block you from getting a job or studying?

• Does your partner blame you for everything?

• Does your partner stand over you and invade your personal space?

• Does your partner share personal information with others in an attempt to humiliate or undermine you?

• Does your partner blame you for his actions? Does he tell you it's your own fault?

  Reflect on How You Feel

  Ask yourself:

• Would I be ok seeing someone treat my child or friend in this way?

• Have I felt emotionally drained or less confident since this relationship started?

  This Is Emotional Abuse

  If you relate to any of the above, may be experiencing covert emotional abuse

• It is a criminal offence

• it can be reported to the police

• It can be referred to the Crown Prosecution Service

• A convicted abuser can be sentenced up to 5 years in prison, fined or both

  In an Emergency

• Dial 999 or text 0800 112 999

• If the perpetrator is with you and you can not speak, dial 999, then 55 when prompted. The police will locate you

Remember

Nobody deserves to be abused. Recognize the signs and seek help

Further Help Sources

The following resources can offer support:

• https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/

• https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-intimate-or-family-relationship

• https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

• https://www.maryamsupportline.org.uk/